Inspiration {Main Bocher}

Over my very dear friend Sabrina’s birthday, I had the opportunity to spend a few delightful hours at the Chicago History Museum. Admitting that I've never been there feels like sacrilege, but it's the truth.  Of the many beautiful and interesting exhibits, one (very predictable) display caught my interest: the work and life of America’s first couturier, Main Boucher.

Sidebar: After typing that sentence, I find it imperative to note that I have never written the word “couturier” in my life, and generally do not give a hoot about "couture fashion".  Main Boucher, however, has proven to be an exception (forcing me to, yet again, face the anti-conformist hypocrisies that I sometimes am guilty of believing) .  Truly an artist of many media, what I found most striking about Boucher, were actually his drawings and paintings.  As a struggling, multi-faceted artist myself, I often feel the burden of focus-- how does one choose a favorite child, or give enough time to only one creative outlet? Seeing the variety of Boucher’s work was so encouraging, in reminding me that a successful creative is one that focuses on expression regardless of medium, and is at peace with fluidity.

On a more practical note, it was quite fun to see that some of Boucher’s beautiful gowns actually resemble ones that I have in the shop! It's a bittersweet realization, as I imagine many people swoon and idealize these museum dresses, but fail to see the value and identical quality of vintage specimens that they could purchase from any number of sources-- people are peculiar, but such is life.  I must say, one of my favorite details of the exhibit (that I didn't capture well in the photos) was the way the curators stylistically taped the feet of the manikins to symbolize shoes!  Very clever, indeed! 

Something that I and both of the ladies I went with, mused over, was what amazing fun it would be to work on some of the exhibits we saw!  The artistry involved was undeniable. All in all, I definitely left the museum a bit starry eyed, brimming over with renewed enthusiasm for my own creative pursuits. Isn't it amazing how God can use such unassuming things to refresh our hearts?  Over and over, I hear him whispering freedom to me-- that that is his main desire for me, and for all people. That fear (whatever of) would not cripple or hold us back, because he can make good even out of failure-- so how can we justify fear of failure?  We cannot.  I cannot.  And so, all that we can do is to choose freedom. Freedom in our individual forms of expression, to use them from a place of joy and pure wholehearted-ness. Freedom to disregard what others might think of us, and to let things happen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here, There and Ahead

Since it's been few and far between (much more accurate than "a long time"), an update here is badly needed.  So badly really, that I've struggled to put so much in one post.  Let's start with the present.  I just returned on Saturday afternoon from here:

Where I did plenty of this:

This with a dear friend, who made the long drive to Florida with me.

This trip continued in my head the theme that's been apparent in the past few months: ideas coming to fruition, action, realization.  I so struggle on a regular basis to keep all of my musings compartmentalized enough to see them through-- but I'm learning to just leap.

Lately I have found (more) order, and somehow have been able to occasionally get out of my own way. As a result, my creativity has flown in places-- define that word as you will, it's equally true either way.

Life has been awesome (literally causing of awe) in both both my highs and lows of late.  The feeling and gist of Philippians 4:12 has echoed in my heart repeatedly, with a deep sense of joy.  It's like an inside joke that I realize most people don't get: all is well, whatever happens-- I actually dwell secure in the hands of my maker, and that causes real freedom.

Among other things, in the next month or so I'll be opening a second Etsy shop for some of my artwork-- I'm not certain how much I'll represent my personal work there, but will have a few kinds of customizable paper goods available for purchase (portraits for couples and families, personalized invitations, etc.).  This is step one of...8 million, really.  I actually have a spreadsheet at this point for each area I feel vocationally called to, and action steps to begin moving in those directions (*pat on the back*).

Oh! That reminds me, update on shoemaking: my lovely shoemaker and friend Molly has decided that she just has too much work at the moment to effectively teach, and so my apprenticeship will come to an end with the completion of the pair of shoes I'm currently working on.  I am sad, but so glad for the learning opportunity while it lasted!  And seriously, with the spreadsheet I just mentioned, it's almost a relief to temporarily have the door closed on one column (there are 6)!

I think that's enough of an update for now. :) I hope your 2015 is looking bright!

Train thoughts - 1

Oh, aren't we all just trying to make our way in this world?

I'm sitting at the train station, and watching people pass by tends to prompt these thoughts.  This morning, it was a teenage boy, slight of build, wearing sunglasses and a golf cap with his Portillo's work shirt. It's a Wenesday morning at 8 am, late enough in August for school to be in-- all I can think, is why is this boy working so early, and having to get there apparently by train? And I'm mad for him, but also ashamed of myself for thinking full-time labor at 18 or 19 (?) is an unfair thing. I guess for Adam it's not (you know, his curse after the fall of Eden). But I think what really makes me mad is the lifelong righteous anger God has put in me for deception, we are all so deceived into thinking the rat race is IT and ALL and the ONLY way. What gifts has God put in that boy, what ideas and callings has he stitched into his being from birth that will be trumped and trampled by minimum wage and the message that any discontent he feels is wrong. Clearly, I don't know his story or how much he works but I've lately encountered and observed a lot of over-worked, discontent people. I'm learning and realizing that God made us to feel discontent with environments and situations we were not created for, but our controlling, safety-conscious selves will not dare take a risk and trust that He will provide if we step out in attempt to use our passions in our work-- or even find new work that utilizes those passions.

I am not exempt from this, my frustration is even (and intensified) with myself. I drown my gifts out of fear of mis- perception, that I would be thought arrogant or self righteous. So I fail to use those skills or callings at all. I feel like I'm repeating myself (have I mentioned this struggle here before?) and if I am, let it be a testament to how strongly and deeply it effects me. How aware I am, everyday, of that handicap I have-- one that I have been trying to overcome. And bit by bit, I am.

It pains me to see a multitude of people, dead eyed, going to and from a work or school they are imprisoned by-- money and provision are their shackles. But there is a God who wants to liberate us from that, in fact he already has. We only need to step out in boldness, into the well fitting shoes of our gifts. Explore possibilities, what would it look like to find opportunities to practice your gifts? Might God be calling you to start something? A fundraiser, a gathering of friends, a business, a conversation about an idea? Could we, for a minute, let ourselves entertain those thoughts of ways in which we could come alive and give life to others while we walk this Earth?

I ask myself these things, do you?

Quality over Quantity

I've recently written (or started to write) posts and then ran out of time, or was unsatisfied with the result.  August has been a little rough that way so far, and I'm trying to remedy it.  There have been dozens of outfits this summer that I wish I'd documented-- not to flash them around, but to remember years from now, that I wore them.  I realize that might seem dumb to some people, but I almost see my style as similar to my artwork.  I keep my drawings and paintings because my growth as an artist is something I look back on even now, and will continue to in years to come. The same goes for the way I express and present myself to the world.  But yes, I've been failing to document that-- among other things.

Life has become, as I recently put it, more regimented and that's caused me to realize I'm spread thinner than I thought.  Okay, really-- I'm all over the freaking place right now. I've been studying the Enneagram with the intent to teach it eventually, and oh yeah-- I'm apprenticing with a shoemaker too.  I also just started nannying for my amazing baby nephew, Gunnar, two days a week!  If that wasn't enough, remember that vintage clothing gig?  Yeah, my shop, a business that I am solely responsible for.  Eeep, and that's not even all I have my hands in.  See what I'm seeing?  This girl is a little unfocused at the moment, and in that state there's just no quality to be had (in any of those areas).  What happened to my staunch "No" Person status?!

This afternoon I voiced these realizations to a friend and even expressed that I felt a little annoyed with God for giving me so many options-- though I realize, "God, how dare you give me so many gifts and oppertunities?", is a pretty idiotic thing to feel or think, much less actually type. *headdesk*  It was then that I realized (for the millionth time) that he just wants to bless what I choose.

So, really, I still have no idea.  Just thought I'd post that for the record. Or whatever.

'Till next time, when I have my act together (or not).

An Introduction

Vocationally I am a pretty multifaceted character, I've mentioned things in passing here but have never really gotten to the meat of what God is calling me to use my life for-- and frankly, to some extent I don't know.  All I have is what's in front of me at the moment, and right now there are three: Creating/Making, Vintage Clothing, and Enneagram.  The only one of those I've not yet mentioned at all here is the last, and it's really about time!

Disclaimer: this could get long.

I've started to write a post like this several times, and always stopped short.  

The why is complex, ranging from not knowing how to address such a giant topic, to feeling overly nerdy (which I am).  Today I decided to actually post however, about subject matter that I have been independently studying for a little over a year and a half: The Enneagram.  It's my intent to be certified to teach it eventually because it's been such a useful tool for my own emotional and relational growth, and I so desire to help bring that understanding to others.

Many times when I first mention The Enneagram to people, the response is, "what's that?".  In short it is a typological system, (think Meyers Briggs or Strengthsfinder, but more complex) that highlights an individual's motivations and dark side to create self awareness and promote growth towards health.  One of the things I love most about The Enneagram is that it does not pigeon hole people.  Other typology systems offer 16 options that you can identify with, or 34 traits out of which to determine your top 5 qualities-- how can they think that there is that little variety in the vast human race?

The Enneagram is much more specific but most people miss this about it! Though their are only 9 core types contained in the Enneagram, each has 2 wing options, 6 instinctual variant stackings, and 9 possible tritypes for each core!  This means there are 108 different versions of each core type, and 972 different types of individuals-- now that's something I actually find realistic!  

Though the system doesn't box anyone in, like anything it can be abused.  This is something I try to be ever aware of, fully acknowledging that no one can "type" an individual but that person-- we do not know the why behind the visual behaviors of a person unless we know them well and have observed them closely.  Also, the Enneagram is not a fun quiz, or method of defining or labeling people-- those that use it that way defeat the entire purpose (and enrage me).  It is a serious tool that can help us understand ourselves and others in a deeper way, but only if we are open to truth.

This is why determining one's Enneagram type is not as simple as taking a test, that's truly just the starting line that helps to narrow the field.  From there exploring the material is of utmost importance to compare the type descriptions to your own experiences, thoughts and feelings.  I even recommend that people read up on all of the types (not just their own) to help them understand others, but also to make sure they've haven't jumped the gun and mistyped-- as many do.

Well there's the gist!  It's a fascinating subject that I'd like to incorporate more here on the blog, since I do so much in my life.  To write about all that I've learned in regards to the Enneagram would be ludicrous though, so I'm not sure where to go from here!  For now, I'm just glad to have broached the gigantic topic that it is!

In the Fall I started the first part of a project based on the Enneagram which will be completed in the Spring. Once it is, I'll surely be posting it here!  In the mean time I'm trying to figure out which organization is best to go through the certification process with, and continuing to learn.  That's really what has shocked me the most, after a year and a half of book and internet based study (and I can be kind of obsessive), I am still learning!

Floating

My recent reality feels a bit disjointed and frustrating and I know exactly why: I've had no structure of late.  I've learned in the past few years that some sort of framework (though not instinctual to me at all) is required for my haphazard creativity to ever become something outside of my brain.  What that's literally meant for me is that I've needed a structured, scheduled part-time job to pair with the madness that are my artistic pursuits.  Right now I'm in the market for such, but just haven't felt altogether gung-ho about any of the options.  

A large theme in my current season of life has been floating, something I've become so good at the last few months, but am now struggling to maintain.  Laying on my back in still-seeming water, not swimming or fighting the current.  Just floating, confident in the direction the water will take me and reacting to events or changes only as they occur.  No pre-conceived notions or expectations, just experience.  

Details

{Dress} - vintage 50's, thrifted

{Cardigan} - H&M back in the day

{Tights} - T.J. Maxx

{Boots} - Steve Madden

{Necklace} - Gift from Dad