Upon A Stage

Though I've meant to, I've not circled back to share some of my fall and early winter adventures in performing arts. Namely, taking a scary (but rewarding) leap and getting the opportunity to play a lead role in a musical theatre production of "White Christmas" (yeah, you know that Bing Crosby film?)!  Um, not to mention that it included the chance to perform on the stage of a Victorian opera house-- more than a bonus in my opinion. ;)

Now here's the thing, though I grew up on the stage (mostly in competitive dance), I've not been on one in...maybe five or six years?  Even then, never in a lead or solo role, so this was quite an experience.  Most of my life, I've tended to hang in the back row, out of sight, under the radar.  I think I just never wanted to be like those people who hang on approval, and demand attention.  This was my first experience of really raising my hand, and volunteering myself for a lead part.  And shock of the year, I got it.

There's too much to say about the general experience I had (both pros and cons), but overall I am so glad that I put myself out there!  I've found that, while the audition process is scary for me, the stage is not-- that's the fun part!  Weirdly, I even took a lot away from the character I played: Judy Haynes, an exuberant blonde extrovert.  I've long rolled my eyes at women like that, and surprised myself by really enjoying the openness and fun of the role-- something I've since carried a piece of, with me.

I long to get back on a stage already, but perhaps in something a bit more creative. Song and dance are definitely my thing, but the cheese of musical theatre these days, honestly puts me off. It seems to me that the demeanor of performance, decades ago was different than it is today-- I'm thinking vaudeville, the 30's and 40's and performers like Fred Astaire, Anne Miller, Betty Garrett, Jane Powell, Gene Kelly, Howard Keel...those guys. They had their share of funny character numbers, but when they played real people, there wasn't the artificial drama that seems injected into (some) musical theatre today.  

So my idea wheels are turning as usual.  I guess I'm just that person that has to create something new, for better or worse (and both apply). But as always, I need others to believe in my direction/ideation enough to want to participate, and demonstrating those things seems often near impossible. Working on that too. ;)

Note on hair color: if you are confused by my sudden hair color change in these photos, you aren't alone! The photos with my natural hair color are of our last dress rehearsal, which was the same night that I decided to go blonde. Yeah. I was supposed to wear a blonde wig, but (trust me) it was not good. So, to do Judy justice, I was like what the heck. Haha, and that's the story on how I became blonde for as short a time as I possibly could. :D

Abandon

Believe it or not, I actually found these adorable slacks at Goodwill!  I was pretty shocked to find such 40's style pants wedged in between skinny jeans and 90's flairs, but you just don't ask questions about a find like that!  The missing button has since been remedied. ;)

I ditched my fiery locks a few weeks ago, so looking at these pictures (which are from before then) is a little funny in hindsight-- I didn't realize it was that bright! Haha, I'll chalk it up to experience.

As this year comes to a close, I've been expressing a lot-- I mean more than usual.  I wrote a long overdue letter to tie up some loose ends and get some closure.  I shared a poem that I wrote over six months ago with the person I wrote it about.  Funny, but I'm realizing that sometimes the craziest, most uncomfortable instincts are the ones you really ought to follow-- even if other people don't get it, and think you are silly.

You know, maybe I am silly.  So be it.

The only thing I really ever regret is not expressing myself, and giving voice to things that lay heavy on my heart.  It seems the heaviest of those are the first to be neglected, because they are usually inconvenient.  I'm kind of tired of that, or at least the aftermath of it.  

I'm not really a New Year's resolution person, but I'll say that 2016 is going to be a year of abandon for me.  Abandoning the remnants of my self doubt/consciousness, abandoning fear and clinging to the truth of my heavenly Father's provision and faithfulness, abandoning how I think things should be.  

I've tasted the freedom that comes from that in 2015, and really just want more.

All of the Shoulda-Coulda-Wouldas lyin' in the sun, 

talkin' about the things that they shoulda-coulda-woulda done.  

Then all of the Shoulda-Coulda-Wouldas ran away and hid, from one little Did.

-Shel Silverstien

Details

{blouse} - thrifted

{sweater} - Urban Outfitters

{jacket} - Michael Kors

{pants} - thrifted

{shoes} - Chelsea Crew

Do it to it

These photos are from yesterday, which truly felt like Spring (I didn't wear tights at all)!  Amidst continual change, the past week has been interesting.  I'm right in the middle of a roommate turnover, which means abundant furniture moving (and blessed spring cleaning), I'm counting down the three months until I become and Aunt, and creative inspiration has hit me from all directions lately.  Now I've just got the do something with all of it before it drowns me.

Doing is something I'm actually horrible at.  That may be a bit harsher than reality, but I'm definitely more of an idea-builder than an ambitious doer.  It's really quite an oxymoron in my life because I'm pretty adventurous as far as actively doing, but making my ideas reality...that's where fear has a foothold.  I think this is because I see my creative work as a true and raw expression of myself.  Um, no pressure or anything.

And this is what I'm hearing from God in that: Keep your eyes straight ahead, kid.  One thing at a time, even sitting on this heap of ideas.

And so I will.

Details

{dress} - Hell Bunny via ModCloth

{top} - thrifted

{booties} - handmade by me

{necklace} - thrifted