Monday, March 14, 2016

Action > Escape

In many ways this winter has been a walk in the park, but I am still hankering for true, sunny-day-blooming-flowers-no-jacket Springtime.  Warm spurts have come and gone, settling mostly on a middle ground of gray drizzle, like today.

My head has been a little in a gray drizzle lately, as well.  

I suppose that glum feeling is really in reaction to a deep restlessness that I feel-- a desire to do something meaningful, but not hearing clear direction from God on what that might be.  Because of that, I've had moments of wanting to throw my hands up, and everything to the wind.  Moments where I kind of just want to raise my hand to every organization I know, and offer myself to be sent somewhere (anywhere) where I can use my hands and effort to do something of value in the grand scheme of things.

And as exciting and freeing as that sounds, I think I've also realized that (for me) it would be running away.

From what?  From the creative knot here in reality that I have to work through, from actually figuring out how best to use the gifts God has given me.  The idea seems like an experiential escape from specific opportunities that utilize my gifts, that I'm sick and tired of waiting on (though I think God might be asking me to).  Sometimes, it's easier and so much more fun to go off exploring instead.

Now, I'm not saying that if I chose to fly off the handle and go work for an organization in Costa Rica, or Afghanistan, that that would be a wrong choice.  It's not.  I'm a firm believer in the truth that God gave us free will for a reason, that he's overjoyed to use whatever we do within his will.  By that, I mean that it doesn't involve living in sin, and centers around our love for him and others.  Apart from that, I do believe the call on our lives is simply this: go do what you love, what lights you up and what builds other people up and points them to the love of God.

So we're left with a heck ton of options, overwhelming as that is.

Ha, so I guess I still might throw it all to the wind and board a plane soon.  So many variables change every day, even the awareness of the ability to choose literally anything right now, is weighty-- and also very light, for all it takes is a step, a yes, an ask. There many not be another season in my life like this one, and while I desperately want to choose wisely, that preoccupation often robs me of... (wait for it. Yep:) action.

My life always comes back to that, doesn't it?  Just DO something, even if it fails.  Unfortunately Escape and Action can look a lot alike, I suppose that's the distinction that matters.

{top} - thrifted
{tights} - Target
{skirt} - vintage 70's, inherited
{sweater} - vintage 50's, thrifted
{necklace} - vintage 40's, inherited
{heels} - Chelsea Crew via ModCloth

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