Of Dust and Wonder: Note To Self

I just came across one of my journal entries from January, that proclaimed this to be the year (for me) of Sharing. This morning when I read that, and my thoughts around it, I felt so frustrated with myself-- basically because I've not done a great job of focusing on that ideal, and the year is almost halfway over!

Perhaps I'm also feeling frustrated for a myriad of other reasons (read: I am), but I thought I should address that goal here to keep myself a bit more accountable to it. As I've chronicled here at least a handful of times, I am not great at sharing certain parts of myself with the world around me. Don't get me wrong, I'm the first to share my areas of suffering one on one or in a small group, or to be honest about my shortcomings, but I am decidedly challenged at sharing my gifts. Heck, I'm bad at even letting them out into the light at all. Over the past few years, I have identified, called out and tried to zero in on this problem, and little by little I have started to make progress.

There was that musical that I forced myself to audition for, times that I've given artwork as gifts, and even deciding to design all of the paper goods for my wedding in May (I'll definitely do a post on that after the fact!) I used to even stop myself from simply humming/singing softly to myself in the presence of other people-- sounds silly, but it was mostly for the fear that someone would think I was trying to get attention. I've allowed myself to be crippled by those fears and lies in more areas than I'd like to admit, but I've found that putting myself out there to be so beneficial!

But for the past six months or so, I've grown a little lax in that area of growth. Perhaps it's because I've been a little distracted by the mountain of responsibilities that I've gained in several areas over that time, or by the ins and outs of maintaining a long distance engagement-- but whatever the reason, I am so glad that I stumbled on that January journal entry again, so that I could read my own words.

There is such power in reading our own words.

It's very much like recovering a Note To Self-- you know, "remember to wear sunscreen", or in my case "please remember what a shame and waste it is to hide". And so, I have been reminded by the wisdom of my January self, that God is calling me to grow better at sharing in this season: my gifts, my ideas, my passions, and to do so without holding back.

Ha, and so I am here, sharing. ;)