Tuesday, October 13, 2015

The Threshold

The Fall has been beautiful this year, full of sunshine, new beginnings and circles made full. The pursuit of Action has continued (to some extent, I'm sure it always will for me) and with it have come both beautiful moments of flight, and crash landings. But even the crashes I've walked away from, and surviving somehow makes you realize that risk is very very worth it.

I've shut doors on myself for years, so that others could not close them on me. Yet all this time, God has been waiting to send people and callings and ideas through those doors to me. The past couple of years I started to realize this, and stopped closing doors on myself

Still, it was all I could do to stand before an open door and wait-- I could never cross the threshold. Paralyzed by shame and fear of rejection, I'd stand there and half make awkward eye contact with those people, ideas and callings...until they couldn't wait on the other side any longer. Self sabotage at it's best.

I've walked through plenty of doorways in my adult life, some even at a full and decisive run. Certain kinds of doorways are harder than others though.

At the end of August, I made a very formal decision to step fully into Action-- the simplicity of which, I don't think I had ever realized before (Love Does was the key for me, in case you are curious). My first timid steps through one of my more difficult doorways (completely laying myself open to vocational, creative and intellectual rejection) was overwhelmingly blessed by the end of the same day. God is so like that though, once we can lean fully into him (caring not for our fears, or selves) he can usher us in to the amazing plans he has for us-- plans that will delight our hearts, and put our hands to joyful work. We just have to run through the door! Don't measure it, don't check the time, just engage.

My steps through the more challenging doorways have grown more excited, more peace filled, even if some still give me pause. I guess I've realized that trusting humans means first trusting God-- that whatever they do, for good or evil, he can use or redeem. 

{thermal} - thrifted
{wool skirt} - vintage 40's, via Comet Vintage
{shoes} - vintage 70's, thrifted
{bracelet} - gift

No comments:

Post a Comment

I love to hear your thoughts and questions, comment away!