It's funny how the most crucial times in life often feel the most nauseating while we are in them-- that is, before we know they are important. We just.
I'm not sure if I've talked much about my own story here, but to understand the present we must always take the past into account. We are all scarred and stunted, punctured and propelled in our own ways, ways that others might not guess.
I slept 7 years of my life away, gripped in sleep's parasitic clutches, that gave my body no real rest. I'm Narcoleptic. It feels strange not having mentioned it here before-- I even searched to make sure, and I haven't. I've attempted plenty of times, draft after draft, but in the end my story seemed too big or messy to fully relay in one post.
Sidebar: Isn't that the lie we all believe?
For the past 5 years (since I found a successful treatment for my disorder), my struggle has been figuring out how to live with a 7 year gap-- in my social, emotional and physical experiences. How to move forward, and not let the bitterness that God has largely freed me from, to come creeping back up around my throat. Because the truth is, that I missed a lot. A heck-ton of normal experiences that I sat on the bench and watched through a clouded haze of semi-consciousness.
Close friends (and people in general) grew distant in that time of my life, and I can't really blame them-- what I was going through was hard to understand.
Scars still remain, like they do with any trauma, both tangible and emotional. I didn't walk the expected academic road that our culture requires, or have the opportunity to develop my gifts in the safe, experimental environment of a school. I'm just now experiencing true, deep friendship (which I am so thankful for!) in my life. But if God can heal my heart (and he has), he can redeem my loss in this life, and even use my perspective and hurt to bring change and understanding.
I always think of Joseph when I think about my story, that he spent 11 years in slavery and God used him mightily-- surely my 7 lost years are redeemable too. I do believe and have seen in my life, that he does use all things for our good.